“I was just another donkey on a sick heater…”

The ups

I played my first hand of poker in early April 2008. After watching a close friend win $17,000, I thought I’d give it a shot so I deposited my $20 and started at a $0.10/0.25 table. I went all-in on the first hand with Ah-2d making a four-card flush against A-A and K-K and thought, ‘hey that’s easy money.’ As you can guess, I lost all my winnings in the next 10 minutes!

The downs

I deposited $20 again and cashed in some tourneys and this really put the hooks in me - but eventually I lost it all again (ED We’re spotting a pattern here!). After this I watched all the High Stakes Poker and Poker After Dark episodes I could find on the net and watched all the poker I could on TV.

The really big ups

Then, sometime in June I used my last $3 in a satellite to a $33 Terminator tournament on PKR and won my seat. That same evening I went onto win $3,000 in the tourney. I felt god-like. Then I won $2,000 more the following Sunday for a third place in PKR’s Sunday major. I withdrew it all and bought myself a SICK TV, a full entertainment system and a new PC. Of course, I didn’t keep any money on my roll. As a beginner, I had no idea about bankroll management nor did I really have any poker knowledge. I was just another donkey on a sick heater…

The really, really, really big ups

From that point on, I didn’t win anything special and was a losing player, as you’d expect. Until one Saturday I said to a friend, “I feel like winning the $100K PKR Masters today.” At that time I had no roll and I deposited enough money for three Masters satellites. I won the last satellite and I went onto make second in the Masters for $18,500.

It felt really amazing, and at that time I felt on top of the world, being just a simple student winning such a huge amount of money. As stupid as I was and still being a donkey, I said to my boss], “Hey, I’m gonna give up my holiday job and start playing poker on Saturdays for some spare money now.”

I cashed out $15,000 after dropping $2,000 on the $5/10 after getting home drunk. I left myself almost nothing on my poker roll. I used the money to help out my dad and bought a new car. Of course, I still had enough money left and my confidence put me on the top of the world.

I started bragging, as anyone would do, about my poker career and how easy money it was. This was probably my second biggest mistake. My close friends and relatives really believed in me and I could even make my stubborn dad appreciate that poker was not a game of luck. Of course I bribed him with a big gift on Father’s day.

…And the really, really, really, really, really, really, big downs

For several months after that win, I achieved nothing. I was losing money by the minute and started to realize that I was not the player I had claimed. I kept re-depositing money on sites and started to drop a few bucks. Close friends and relatives grew pretty impatient and kept asking me if I had cashed big again and I felt the pressure to bag another big win. Because I am one heck of a stubborn person and I still believed that I was a real great player. I decided I needed a month break to relieve some pressure. The break didn’t go as planned, and I was still talking about poker and sometimes I caught myself playing.

In my break I reviewed the tournaments from which I won big money - I felt sick, that I’d made so many mistakes. I recognized this only three months after the big win. I felt I had really improved my game but blamed luck and `riggedness` for preventing me from winning big. Of course I was still loaded with confidence and the belief that I could beat poker with ease.

And the slow climb back up

I kept on being stubborn and thought that my way was the only good way, but this changed after some friends opened my eyes. I may have acted like a complete tw*t with loads of bad jokes and insults, but I really appreciated the help they offered. They probably don’t know it cause I never told them : ) Unfortunately, this didn’t motivate me to change my game.

It took me about nine months with some breaks in between to bust or use the money I won after the Masters. I spent more than I’d won and it was official - I no longer had a poker roll. A good friend helped me out and I started grinding the lower stakes, and it went OK. Going to back to basics is always good for your game, when things aren’t going your way.

I won some money and was regaining the confidence needed to win again, but then I hit a really BAD run, this time using Hold’em Manager to prove it. But it wasn’t only the bad run, I was falling back into old bad habits. I made spewy calls and plays without admitting they were the bad, and incorrect key decisions without admitting they were wrong.

I’ve developed the same motivational problems again, but this time I know the problem isn’t simply luck. I was making a lot of mistakes in crucial situations, and this time I’m completely motivated to plug my leaks and win, with some help from good friends.

Cause after all, I still love this game!

BokitoNL

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